{"id":21620,"title":"Motherhood: Illusion vs (My) Reality","description":"Let me start by saying that motherhood is a gift that is abundant with joy. It\u2019s the most amazing experience! I\u2019ve had moments of pure happiness and love that I can\u2019t articulate with words. I am very fortunate that I got to be a mum and birth my own child (despite being told it was beyond unlikely to happen) and genuinely feel that gratitude down to my bones","content":"

Let me start by saying that motherhood is a gift that is abundant with joy. It\u2019s the most amazing experience! I\u2019ve had moments of pure happiness and love that I can\u2019t articulate with words. I am very fortunate that I got to be a mum and birth my own child (despite being told it was beyond unlikely to happen) and genuinely feel that gratitude down to my bones. I\u2019m not here to slate motherhood, or bash having kids, or put anyone off family life because it\u2019s all worth it. It\u2019s all so so worth it. It doesn\u2019t matter how bad it gets or how shhhhhht you feel, to have a child and to help it grow is the most fulfilling thing I can ever imagine. But it does get bad, and you do sometimes feel shhhhhht. I wouldn\u2019t take back one bit of what we\u2019ve been through, even the toughest bits - but at the time, in the deepest, darkest dips on the motherhood rollercoaster, I felt anything but <\/em>joy and happiness. <\/p>

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I feel like the illusion <\/em>of parenting that I bought into was so vivid, so bright and so clear that it had to be true! It\u2019s in our nature to imagine all manner of wonderful things and as pregnant women, we do just that! We start planning our unborn child\u2019s entire life! We imagine and reimagine a thousand times before they even arrive, and with every new version that we create, the illusion becomes more vivid, and we believe in it - we want <\/em>to believe in it - even more. That narrative is fuelled by the reminiscings of other parents and the picture-perfect lives we see splashed all over social media. <\/p>

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Other well-meaning parents share their best bits, and they laugh heartily at their mistakes, because that\u2019s how they remember their experience. They are no longer wounded by the moment they were in when the mistakes happened, or feeling the raw power of the emotions that I don\u2019t doubt they went through back then, because they\u2019re not there now. They survived. They now know it was always going to be ok. It\u2019s lived, past experience. It\u2019s over. So they aren\u2019t meaning to lie to you or mislead you! They don\u2019t share with you the despair or fear or sadness that they were gripped with throughout their early journey, because they\u2019re no longer affected in that way - and possibly, like me, they\u2019ve mentally blocked some of it out! <\/p>

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But I think it\u2019s important to say that we have all at some point felt the bottom-of-the-barrel emotions and wondered how we would get through the next hour, the next feed, the next day\u2026 etc. It\u2019s not that we did it wrong, or got a rough deal (of course, some really do) it\u2019s just that we haven\u2019t yet got to the part where it doesn\u2019t feel so all-consuming and where we can laugh about the \u201cdrama\u201d without feeling the feels all over again. I guess, we just haven\u2019t healed yet. <\/p>

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But, the illusion we are fed via social media really worries me. I don\u2019t blame social media for other people\u2019s content, that\u2019s not what I mean. But it has provided a platform for people to create a lens through which we see their lives. Usually, a very airbrushed, rose-tinted lens that can distort reality to a point that can sometimes be, dare I even say \u201cdamaging.\u201d I get it. People want to show off! I wanted to show off my baby too! When you have a proud moment and you feel up there, winning at life, you do want to share it with people and social media is an easy way to do that in the throws of busy motherhood. That\u2019s great! But what I\u2019d love to see - which is starting to happen more and more - is people also showing up to present their reality to the world when they\u2019re not #winning quite so much. <\/p>

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I guess what I\u2019d like is more balance. The good and the bad. And yeah, the ugly too! I think we give more to the world when we share our struggles and our hard times, because we open up the narrative and create space for an imperfect, messy, tiring life. We normalise that hard times happen to us all so that people don\u2019t end up comparing their lives - and particularly their motherhood experiences - and find themselves wanting. And when we only share in the positive bits of people\u2019s lives, we do that. I do! <\/p>

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My friend Beth is that <\/em>friend; the one who\u2019s life I want when I\u2019m fed up with my own! She has a beautiful family, a lovely home, a huge heart and a kind soul. She\u2019s the business woman I\u2019d love to be, the mum I aspire to be and the kind of person we should all aim to be more like! But she will be the first to tell you that she isn\u2019t perfect, that her life isn\u2019t all sunshine and rainbows. She works (ridiculously) hard to be the professional, the parent, the partner and the person she is. But when I\u2019m feeling that way out, I don\u2019t see that; I don\u2019t see the reality or the struggle, I just see what I want my life to look like and nothing beyond that. <\/p>

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And that\u2019s the thing. Somewhere deep down, we all know <\/em>that the lives we see portrayed on social media are not always like that, day in and day out. We know. Even if we don\u2019t know the person, we know that life just can\u2019t be like that. But, as humans, we fall in to the trap of judging our worst days against their best days, and that never takes us to a good place.<\/p>

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So here I am, trying to bring some of my reality but with some lightness to it too. Humour has long been a coping mechanism for me and there are days when I have to laugh or I\u2019ll cry! Or I laugh and cry (and pee) all at the same time! I just want to promote the idea that that\u2019s ok! (maybe not the peeing.)<\/p>

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My friend once challenged me to see the beauty in every situation. Yep, I raised my eyebrow too! But the times I said, out loud \u201cwell isn\u2019t that just beautiful\u201d when it was anything but, genuinely broke the tension for me and let me smile or laugh and let go of the moment that would otherwise have kept me so gripped. So I challenge you. Look for the beauty, but when it\u2019s hiding from view, say with 100% sarcasm \u201cwell isn\u2019t that just beautiful\u201d and see if you can\u2019t turn your moment around. <\/p>

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Remember, you\u2019re only HuMum. <\/em><\/p>

(Like a regular human, but even better, a mum)<\/em><\/p>

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Much love x<\/p>","urlTitle":"motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality","url":"\/blog\/motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/mamasmouth.co.uk\/blog\/motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1665409077,"updatedAt":1665415244,"publishedAt":1665415244,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":245972,"name":"Mama's Mouth"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/omnek72efkkas1j2rv9gtcegl4crdwubdnw0gofserm3iqjl.png","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/omnek72efkkas1j2rv9gtcegl4crdwubdnw0gofserm3iqjl.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/omnek72efkkas1j2rv9gtcegl4crdwubdnw0gofserm3iqjl.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"","metaDescription":"","series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":22267,"title":"Who are you? Some kind of parenting expert?","url":"\/blog\/who-are-you-some-kind-of-parenting-expert\/","urlTitle":"who-are-you-some-kind-of-parenting-expert","division":245972,"description":"Hell no! I\u2019m Sharon. I\u2019m a mum. Sometimes, I\u2019m quite good at it. Other times, not so much. I am only an expert on my mistakes (because I\u2019ve relived them repeatedly and beat myself up about them on a regular basis).","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/nncytmtgioikmcn93qswg3drkivi3tqmkcwvblvnup1csa6t.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/nncytmtgioikmcn93qswg3drkivi3tqmkcwvblvnup1csa6t.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":21827,"title":"Live Every Moment","url":"\/blog\/live-every-momenth\/","urlTitle":"live-every-momenth","division":245972,"description":"How many times were you told to \u201cEnjoy every moment\u201d either when you were pregnant or since your bundle arrived? \u201cEnjoy every moment, it goes so fast!\u201d I must have heard it a million times","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/mzocq1eejki9gzpnnax2tivyfpe4ekagk0csqtgab2wgcjhk.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/mzocq1eejki9gzpnnax2tivyfpe4ekagk0csqtgab2wgcjhk.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}