How many times were you told to \u201cEnjoy every moment\u201d either when you were pregnant or since your bundle arrived? \u201cEnjoy every moment, it goes so fast!\u201d I must have heard it a million times, and from complete strangers too! And I\u2019ve innocently said it to others too, it\u2019s just fallen out of my mouth. But in the moments thereafter, I\u2019ve felt terrible about putting that on a new parent.<\/p>
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I vividly remember being in Morrison\u2019s with a 4 month old Saffia. We were exhausted. We\u2019d had no sleep and hadn\u2019t left the house for days. I couldn\u2019t get a Mozzers delivery slot for love nor money so we were forced to venture out. I was at the checkout, packing up my shopping, a gorgeous, snuggly Saffia slept in her pram. This elderly lady comes over and poked her head in the pram (as they do!) and gushed all the lovely pleasantries that people do when they see a little one. Then she grabbed my arm and said those three words\u2026 enjoy every moment.<\/p>
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I felt like I\u2019d been hit by truck. I could hardly catch my breath. I immediately rushed my shopping and awkwardly manoeuvred my way out the shop. And I cried the full walk home. I mean, full blown, snotty, hysterical sob crying.<\/p>
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I had attempted that shop and abandoned my trolley not once, but twice before finally getting to the checkout. In the 90 minutes I\u2019d been in there, I had experienced precisely 0 moments of joy. First, Saffia had woken up hangry and there was no settling her, so I abandoned shop #1 and retreated to the caf\u00e9 to feed her. My boobs were still sore and bleeding at this point so even the feed didn\u2019t feel soothing or bonding or beautiful like I later found it to be.<\/p>
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Satiated, she settled enough to be put down and we began shop #2. Maybe 15 minutes later, while attempting to fill her nappy she managed to throw up all over herself and her pushchair, the projectile stinky vom that only a baby can manage to produce. FFS. Apologising profusely, I this time asked a member of staff if I could leave my trolley with her while I sorted out the mess, basically because I couldn\u2019t bare the thought of starting all over again, again.<\/p>
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So by the time this well-meaning lady had uttered those three words to me at the checkout, of course Saffia had worn herself out with screaming, bodily functions and fighting me with every ounce of her being while I changed her, so she was fast asleep and peaceful and looking every bit like butter wouldn\u2019t melt. I however, was completely done with the day! I was beyond tired, overwhelmed, feeling all the feels and now, on top of it all, I felt like a terrible human being and a failure of a mum because I was not enjoying ANY moment right now, let alone EVERY ONE of them.<\/p>
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But how come everyone else enjoys every minute? What am I doing wrong? What\u2019s wrong with me? Why can\u2019t I enjoy her? Am I broken? Oh my god, I can\u2019t do this! I\u2019m rubbish at this! She deserves so much better than this, than me!<\/p>
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You can see how this escalated for me.<\/p>
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Now that poor lady couldn\u2019t have known what my reaction would be! She genuinely meant well. And on a different day, I would have responded differently I\u2019m sure.<\/p>
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I just want to change the narrative a little on that phrase though. \u201cEmbrace the moments that bring you joy\u201d because there will be many. Or simply \u201clive every moment\u201d for what it is, knowing it will all work itself out and you\u2019ll be ok. Experience it for what it is, which I would guess is not 100% joy. And know that when it isn\u2019t joyous, at all, that that\u2019s ok too. And completely normal.<\/p>
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I don\u2019t believe that any part of life is supposed to pure, unadulterated joy. I think we can always look back on something and remember it fondly - even the bad bits - and even long for it (which is probably what that old lady in the supermarket was doing.) But when you\u2019re in the thick of it, when you feel absolutely shhhhhht, incapable, unsure, exhausted and overwhelmed, there\u2019s no room for every-moment joy. And there isn\u2019t meant to be.<\/p>
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Motherhood doesn\u2019t have to be 100% joy for it to be a treasured and wonderful experience. Some of the worst moments give the better moments their glory. But let\u2019s not project onto new parents the expectation that they should feel happy and joyous 24\/7 and float around on a fluffy cloud of delight. Let\u2019s acknowledge that the hard bits are hard and it\u2019s ok to struggle.<\/p>
\u00a0<\/p>
Remember, you\u2019re only HuMum.<\/em><\/p> <\/p> (Like a regular human, but even better, a mum)<\/em><\/p> <\/p> Much love x<\/p> \u00a0<\/p>","urlTitle":"live-every-momenth","url":"\/blog\/live-every-momenth\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/live-every-momenth\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/mamasmouth.co.uk\/blog\/live-every-momenth\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1666099193,"updatedAt":1666106289,"publishedAt":1666106289,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":245972,"name":"Mama's Mouth"},"tags":[],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/mzocq1eejki9gzpnnax2tivyfpe4ekagk0csqtgab2wgcjhk.jpeg","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/mzocq1eejki9gzpnnax2tivyfpe4ekagk0csqtgab2wgcjhk.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/mzocq1eejki9gzpnnax2tivyfpe4ekagk0csqtgab2wgcjhk.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"","metaDescription":"","series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":22267,"title":"Who are you? Some kind of parenting expert?","url":"\/blog\/who-are-you-some-kind-of-parenting-expert\/","urlTitle":"who-are-you-some-kind-of-parenting-expert","division":245972,"description":"Hell no! I\u2019m Sharon. I\u2019m a mum. Sometimes, I\u2019m quite good at it. Other times, not so much. I am only an expert on my mistakes (because I\u2019ve relived them repeatedly and beat myself up about them on a regular basis).","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/nncytmtgioikmcn93qswg3drkivi3tqmkcwvblvnup1csa6t.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/nncytmtgioikmcn93qswg3drkivi3tqmkcwvblvnup1csa6t.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":21620,"title":"Motherhood: Illusion vs (My) Reality","url":"\/blog\/motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality\/","urlTitle":"motherhood-illusion-vs-my-reality","division":245972,"description":"Let me start by saying that motherhood is a gift that is abundant with joy. It\u2019s the most amazing experience! I\u2019ve had moments of pure happiness and love that I can\u2019t articulate with words. I am very fortunate that I got to be a mum and birth my own child (despite being told it was beyond unlikely to happen) and genuinely feel that gratitude down to my bones","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/omnek72efkkas1j2rv9gtcegl4crdwubdnw0gofserm3iqjl.png.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/omnek72efkkas1j2rv9gtcegl4crdwubdnw0gofserm3iqjl.png.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}